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Movies & TV

John Wick’s Beard -or- Don’t Mess With This Guy’s Dog

John Wick's beard — We’re not saying you shouldn’t mess with John Wick’s beard. But if you hurt somebody or something that he cares about then you must prepare for a terrifying onslaught of almost otherworldly ferocity and violence. So, keep that in mind.

John Wick and pup — John Wick only loves a few things in this misbegotten world. His wife, his dog and his beard. However, only one of those helps him defeat crime syndicates.

Artists

Salvador Dali’s Mustache

Salvador Dali spent much of the twentieth century growing a mustache of almost otherworldly quality. When he wasn’t painting surrealists classics like The Persistence of Memory, he helped forge new artistic media and crossed artforms in new ways. All the while growing an epic ‘bigote.’

Movies & TV

Robin Williams’ Beard

Comedic actor Robin Williams — America’s funny man. America’s sad clown. A dramatic actor in his own right. Robin Williams was a king of American entertainment. While he started his Mork days clean-shaven, Williams knew his beard gave him his full authority. RIP.

Literature

Walt Whitman’s Beard

American poet Walt Whitman — As the father of free verse, Walt Whitman stands among the United States’ most influential writers. His advice for healthy living included nude sunbathing, cold baths, eating meat, and lots of time in the great outdoors. Perhaps his most important rule for modern life is growing a healthy beard.

Walt Whitman — Whitman is a bridge between transcendentalism and realism. With his classic Leaves of Grass, Whitman established himself as the “poet of democracy” (and an early champion of American beards). As a result, he helped drive American literature forward through significant changes in the 19th century.

Movies & TV

David Letterman’s Beard

Late night king David Letterman — David Letterman was the heart of late night talk for a generation. With his semi-retirement, he was free to unleash the full power of his beard. That means he should be announcing his run for president any day now. So we’re confident his presidential Top 10 lists would be epic.

Athletes

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s Beard

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar helped bring basketball forward into a new generation as one of the greatest players of all time. He also helped push sports through the turbulence of the ’60s and ’70s.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar — After 20 years in the NBA, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is proof that great skill, great execution and a great beard will make you a legend.

Politics

Genghis Khan’s Beard

Genghis Khan — Few people in human history have made as immediate and large an impact as Genghis Khan. From east Asia to western Europe, history was reshaped by his horde of horsemen and new empire. We’re not advocating using your beard for attempted world domination, but it almost worked for the Great Khan.

Genghis Khan 2 — In his old age, even Genghis Khan sought wisdom and stability. A long beard is a good start.

Musicians

Frank Zappa’s Mustache

Frank Zappa — Experimental rocker Frank Zappa channeled the power of his legendary facial hair into decades of groundbreaking music.

Movies & TV

Chris Evans’ Beard

Captain America in his grittier times — Yes, you trust Captain America to fight Nazis and keep that dipstick Iron Man in line. But when you need him to defend you from galactic terror, you’d better hope he’s got his beard in full effect.

Movies & TV

Kristofer Hivju’s Beard

Actor Kristofer Hivju — Few figures have defined great bearddom in the 21st century as much as Kristofer Hivju. With a wink and a swing of his axe, he leads the way to the battle party.

Also, true bearded warriors sing to each other at the end of a harrowing day.